Growing up I never had any Jewish friends, simply because where I am from is very uncultured. Of course once I moved to Boston, that all changed. Most recently when I got my new apartment with 5 of my other friends, we had two bedrooms we still had to fill in the giant, now well known, 66 Quint. So thanks to craigslist and Emerson College, we got two new roommates. Enter Rockman, a Bay Area native with some serious HipHop knowledge, scary good talents in writing, an apathetic attitude and oh yeah, he's Jewish. Literally the brunt of all Jewish jokes in the house now and for no absolute reason. Anything from "Hey Rockman, there's a penny on the floor." to dropping Hard J's (Jew) to his face. By all means it was in good fun: I mean we are a house full of mid 20's dudes. Trust me, none of us are anti-semetic, in fact we all acknowledge that Jewish People run the world and are fantastic with numbers, it's just facts and we are merely jealous. But at the time, Rockman was viewed as the roommate who could hang, but wanted nothing to do with the shenanigans we were bringing to the house. The man in the cave we called him. We would throw parties and he'd get down, but to an extent, filing into his room when the opportunity presented itself. Now me being the outrageous alcoholic prick that I am, I seemed to take notice to this and then quickly took advantage of it.....
Countless nights from November on, I would come home obliterated beyond recognition and make it a point to barate and torment my new West Coast roommate. It started with just simply screaming his name as loud as I could until he'd come out and have some after hours drinks with the rest of the roommates and company that came out. And then it quickly turned into me sneaking onto his balcony and breaking into his room to scare the living shit out of him just to get a laugh. STOP, I know what you're thinking, I have absolutely nothing against him, at all. I just thought it was hilarious to include him in the insane and out of line shit we were doing. I felt like he needed to be a part of it, shit, I thought it was my duty to break him in. He would complain, make a small stink, but never truly got upset with me. I am an extrovert and he is an introvert, we both knew this and it became an unwritten law that any night I came home smashed, Rockman was waking up to hangout, whether he wanted to or not. But one night, the rock didn't think it was funny anymore, oh no, this time the Hebrew Hammer laid down the law.
After a night full of drinks and exchanged phone numbers, my boy JonJon and I returned to the house with a few ladies of the night and for some reason, JonJon told them that we had a roommate we called the penguin. Now we have never called Rockman the penguin, it doesn't even make any sense really, clearly we were trashed and the word penguin was funny. But then while we were drinking at the house and trying to keep the party going while everyone else was sleeping; the girls decided to provoke "The Penguin" out of his "igloo." Again, no idea why this was even happening. Both girls were just, "Hey penguin, come out in your tux!" or "Come here little penguin!" Now this had gone on for a good half an hour if not more. I then recieved a text from my San Fran Giants lover Rockman, stating that if i didn't shut these bitches up, he'd do it for me. So I proceeded to quiet these chicken heads but there was no use. The Penguin Brigade continued, these girls seriously wanted to see something waddle out of that door. Now I even wonder if they thought we seriously had a penguin, none the less the door handle jiggled a bit and with a swing of the door, out came the rock. Absolutely furious, screaming "Get the fuck out of my house you dumb bitches!!" I have never seen this kid mad let alone yell at females, this was a surprise! The girls left immediatly and JonJon and I were left with our jaws on the floor. Because no sooner did he turn back into his room without a word to us.
To this day I have no explanation for the penguin incident, since then I haven't seen him get nearly as upset or even yell for that matter. It was a day I will never forget, it was the day I got hit with the Hebrew Hammer. Rockman and I remain boys, and I no longer ruin his life while he tries to sleep and I am intoxicated.
Fuck it, pour me a drink, let's wake this dude up....
