Just returned to Boston and nursing a severe hangover after a long weekend in the Great North; Maine. Day one of my visit consisted of taking my little niece to the "zoo" aka York's Wild Kingdom; pretty much a fenced in area with a plethora of random animals that have seen better days. This establishment has been around for as long as I can remember, and I am pretty sure that white tiger is the same one that I went to see when I was seven.... Needless to say, the place could use a few updates in not only their animals but the outdated 1970's signange as well. Regardless, I enjoy the zoo so I was ready to witness these decrepid animals in their depressing little play pens.
But it wasn't the caged animals that I ended up getting a kick out of. Oh no, it was the creatures that flocked in from what seemed like a sewer plant neighborhood. Now I'm no high class snob, but holy shit, some of these people were straight specimens. They waddled around the park with their stained sweat pants, chain smoking cigarettes and tugging their kids on leashes. It was like the Trailer Park Express bus was running fifty cent rides to the zoo. Between viewing this, smelling their corndog and Marlboro stenched outfits and the hangover I had from the night before, I was about ready to vomit onto the platform where you could ride the ancient elephant for $20. Luckily I held my composure because shit, I'm with the fam. So instead I'd point out these wretched creatures to everyone in hopes of easing my nausea. Soon enough we had seen the fleet of expired animals and walked over to the amusement park that is attached.
Now we are seriously talking about outdated equipment; rides and fun houses that were built back in the 60's. Some of these rides seemed like they were going to just collapse in place and the bolts would just pull out if you touched them due to the 50 years of rust. Did I mention the staff that is employed on this side of the park? A mix between your average carney that only knows the stop and go buttons and the characters from Rob Zombies: House of 1,000 Corpses film. Just absolute terrifying, back country folk who all shared the same "I'll eat you" grin and "put the lotion on" stare. Did not have any close encounters with these people but after a few hours with this material in front of me, I had had enough so we planned our departure.
We all made it out in one piece and had a ball with my niece as well as people, I mean specimen watching the entire day. I guess I don't have a moral to the story, just an insane view on the creatures that populate where we live.
Pour me a drink in honor of these Stephen King characters.....
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