Coming Soon: St. Patrick's Day Shit Show

So we are just about a week away from every alcoholics dream day, St. Patrick's Day. It's an even bigger deal because I live in Boston, and this place is crawling with Irish people and alcoholics. This year a close friend of mine hooked me up with two of his season tickets to the Bruins game on St. Patty's Day at 1:00pm....Holy Fuck! Oh and did I mention they are playin the Broad Street Bullies; The Philadelphia Flyers.

The Flyers are second to my heart in the hockey world, behind my beloved Montreal Canadiens. Yes, that's right, I'm a Montreal fan. My whole family is French Canadian and my mother's side is right from the city of Montreal, and heritage is everything to me. But I love the way the Flyers play, especially now with guys like Claude Giroux, Wayne Simmonds and even shitbag Scotty Hartnell. They bang bodies, drop the mitts and still score goals. They don't take any shit and are the first guys to dish it out, plus they have one of the most respected coach's behind the bench, Peter Laviolette.

So this game is at 1:00pm, on St. Patty's Day, in Boston, against the Flyers......And I'm wearing Flyers gear. Will my boy and I be trashed by 10:00am? Yes. Will we heckle the fuck out of everyone all damn day? Yes. Will we maybe get in a fight or two or three or four?! Maybe. This day could not be set up in any more of a shit show way. I haven't been this excited to attend a hockey game in a very long time.

So be on the lookout for my post about this said day, in full detail. I don't sugar coat shit, so be ready for a hilarious fuckin story.

Good luck to The Philadelphia Flyers, may we kick the living shit out of the Bruins. May you punch them in the face, stick Tastykakes up their ass and smash Yuengling bottles over their heads.

This isn't just your average hockey game, this is a rivalry game on St. Patrick's Day here in Boston, MA... 

Grateful Dead Drink Recipe

So there are a few different ways to make a Grateful Dead drink, the recipe I'm about to share with you just happens to be my favorite combination of poisons. I first had a Grateful Dead when I was underage; I must have gone through four Fake ID's in my day. But it was so bomb, same kind of concept as a Long Island Iced Tea in that, it gets you fucked up and tastes amazing.


Grateful Dead

3/4 oz vodka
3/4 oz rum
3/4 oz gin
3/4 oz triple sec
3/4 oz Chambord® raspberry liqueur
2 parts sweet and sour mix
1 splash Sprite® soda

Fill a highball glass with ice. Add each liquor, fill with sour mix and stir. Add a splash of 7-up or sprite, and serve.
Now remember boys and girls, these aren't your run of the mill mixed drinks, they are fuckin strong. So don't try and be a badass and slug three or four of em, cuz like I said in a previous post, Slimer will come and shit all over you.

But do enjoy these cocktails as they are one of my favorites because they are potent and they are named after one of the greatest bands of all time.

RIP Jerry Garcia, you drug addicted fuck. We all miss your riffs and jams my dude. Dancing bears forever.

Shouts to drinksmixer.com

Don't Get Drunk at Your Girlfriend's Work

My girl works at a bar in the city and I consistantly go in to wait until she's done and have a few beers. But the other night I went in on a Friday after work and shit was juiced in there. Wall to wall people, bro's high fiving, a "DJ" droppin 80's hits and the beer taps just pouring consistantly. I mean picture a bar scene where people have their arms around each other and are singing "Whip it" by Devo together....yeah that kind of atmosphere.

So she had mad tables and was runnin around, so I get settled in at the bar and start with a tall Stella Artois, my fuckin draft beer go to. Mind you it's 11:30pm............one tall beer turns into six. Not to mention, two regulars I recognized came in and started including me on their rounds of shots. Mystery Shot, down the hatch. Round of Jameson shots, not a problem, slugged em. Shot of tequila, ugh, wasn't Patron but I got it down. Oh and some nachos this dude ordered and told me to "Fuckin eat em with him!"

At this point, I'm pretty buckled and of course, my girl is all cashed out and done work. Somehow it's 1:20am. She sits with me for a drink; she gets a vodka, cranberry and soda, and I get #7 Stella Artois. (This beer was not needed by any means).

She now hears about how I have been boozing for two hours and yuckin it up with her managers givin my two cents on what I think of some choice people, bad fuckin idea. But we leave, not too much harm done, and head over to a pizza place and pickup a few slices. As she orders said slices, I am practically laying on the counter and the miserable human being at the counter is givin me the stink eye.

2 slices of cheese pizza- $10.00. Done let's leave...

We finally get back to my spot and at this point I don't know up from down, pizza from lasagna, shit just isn't makin sense and neither am I. We put the pizza down and then for some reason try and go to bed, but I all of a sudden turn into a brutal prick and just start goin off about the dumbest shit possible. I'm sure this is exactly what she wanted after a long shift on a busy night, epic fail on my part.

Long story short the pizza stayed on the counter, I slept on the couch and woke up with THE worst hangover I have had in the longest time. I mean lips so dry they are just stuck together, a headache that made the noises of the couch make me wanna vomit, a stomach ache that warranted the feeling of food poisoning and the stickiest, grossest eye boogers you could even imagine. It looked and felt like Slimer from Ghostbusters took a steamy shit in my goddam eyes.

Moral of the story is, don't get drunk at your girlfriend's work and be an asshole. Cuz karma is a bitch and Slimer will come take a dump on you and your hangover.

Winter you bitch!

Just when we all thought we were gunna slide through a New England Winter without any snow and really not too many fuckin cold temperatures, we get snow, cold ass temps and icy streets all ova the city! Are you fist fuckin me Old Man Winter? You just decide that on March 1, you're goin to drop dick on us with snow, ice and rain in these frigid temperatures?! Unbelievable. I'm wearin a t-shirt, zip up hoody and my big coat with the fur hood and my nipples could still cut the glass on your car door window. 


I mean seriously, all of us in Boston thought Winter was givin us a lay up this year and not hittin us too hard. But it just goes to show you, never sleep on New England Winters. If you do, they will jump inside your sleepy bed and fuck you with an icicle. 


Not a day goes by that I don't wonder why I don't just up and move to Florida or head West to Southern California. And I always ask my parents why the hell they thought it was a good idea to stay here, in the cold as fuck Northeast, to raise a family. I'm not furious, I'm just bitter, bitter fuckin cold......


So FUCK YOU WINTER........you bitch!

Any readers offended by my cursing please feel free to email your complaints to NoOneGivesAShit@gmail.com.